Cream Cheesecake with Chocolate Flakes

 I picked Sheila (pseudonym of course) up from her place in the city. We met two years ago, but haven't talked a lot since. The plan was to have a nice day trip to Gevey Peres, a mostly dry desert river in the Eastern Negev desert. After some shopping we left the city. The drive was nice, we got to know each other a bit more. It’s much easier to get to know someone face to face, rather than through whatsapp messages.

It was 11(ish) when we got to the trailhead. We saw only a few cars and figured it wouldn’t be too packed. That’s when I fished out my rainbow pouch and asked Sheila if she would like to pop some Lsd down at the river. She gave me a small grin and turned around.

We started to roll down toward the river. Around us were colorful mountain ranges, at the heart we could see the river, and the winding trail.
The scenery improved as we skipped over the steep trail. All around us red, white and yellow hills appeared, sparse growth appeared here and there.

The descent from the trailhead to the riverbed took about half an hour. We got to a big walled area, with a big tree, shade and some people. Sheila took some pictures, I talked to the people about the coloration of the river and canyon, and consulted them on which way to go. The trail is circular so we could go upstream first or downstream.

There was a big canyon wall behind us, it had many different kinds of shapes and textures. We were mesmerized by this wall. We looked and touched it for a while.

The trail crossed the dry river and went up and down the hills. We walked quietly for about an hour. After a big U turn we saw a small narrow canyon beneath us. We strolled around for a while until we found a way down. We sat down before descending, made some coffee, and popped the tabs.

Down at the canyon we found the perfect oasis. There were five or six beautiful natural water pools, some people and lots of shade. We ran around and played a bit, except from the water it was all a smooth, sleek, innocent surface of stone. 

It was noon, and I started to feel dehydrated and hot. Heading to the water I took off my clothes. The ground was steaming hot, the only way down to the water was jumping. I didn't really thought about it, I just jumped.

Water flooded my mouth. I wasn’t sure what was happening. Trying to get to the surface I banged my head into a rock. I was disoriented. The abnormal canyon walls reflected the sun from a weird angle. Eventually I shoved my head through the water and took a big breath. Only then I realized this was my Lsd coming up. Shooting up is more appropriate here, I guess.

I was swimming around the small pool for a while. slowly the white walls and the green water morphed, moved and turned into countless colors and shapes. I was astonished. The water looked like a big living jelly carpet. First I felt uncomfortable standing there, like I was just an invader inside this beautiful paradise. Slowly I got used to the cold water temperature, then I felt like I was somehow part of this paradise. I could feel everything around me moving with every move I made. We were bound together in some subtle way I couldn't completely understand.

I stayed in my paradise. Seeing and hearing stuff I don’t remember ever seeing or hearing. I tried to make sense, or “catch” my senses again and again but there was no chance. I was like a superhero, but I couldn't ignore the discomfort of not knowing what all this “sense-data” means. My only success was with a bee I heard. I thought it was very close to me, and 4 or 5 times I turned my head thinking it was right there. I got restless so I went looking for the bee. 15 meters (50 feet) from me, hovering above the next pool, I saw it.

I played a bit with the water. I was perceiving myself and my surroundings in a different way. It’s hard to explain. I felt like I had some kind of “spider” perception. Everything around me was always moving, very gently, on an invisible net. I was always aware and at peace with everything. All of a sudden, something very intrusive tore me from my lullaby fantasy. I looked up and around, there was nothing there. I heard a loud fly-like noise and then I saw it, it was a small drone.

Someone called me from above. He wanted to lower a rope to get to the pool. I asked him to check on Sheila and then helped him with the rope. After a couple of minutes his girlfriend came down with Sheila. They brought some food down, a coffee pot, and a guitar. The place was a bit small for the 4 of us, at first. After everyone sat we started chatting. I remember feeling the space around us getting bigger or “adjusting” to contain us comfortably. We relished there and got our feet wet.

I could see the smile on Sheila’s face. She was glowing. Up above there were a couple of more people, and kids, but we barely heard them. It was very serene and quiet. Sheila was babbling quite a bit, but she was happy. 

The guy’s girlfriend started playing the guitar. We all sank into the music. Music has always moved me, but this time it was something entirely different. She played and sang quiet israeli songs. Her fingers danced gracefully on the fretboard and her voice somehow produced sounds that echoed in our souls. I felt like I was hungry for her music, with every song I was more and more engaged. When she played a song that I really liked my inhibitions were wiped away at once. I felt an urge peeking from my depths, it was like the music took a brand new quality, I felt like I'm just now understanding how music is intertwined with me. I broke down and sobbed like a child. The guy put his hand on me and I noticed he was sobbing too.

We chilled there for a while, then we climbed up to the canyon. Leaving that place didn’t feel so good, but being on the move felt great. I could feel a new sort of energy coursed through my body, like something big is going to happen. It felt like the energy I had been “collecting” down at the pool now surged through my body, rushing in my insides really fast. Every step I took  was a delight. I felt like I was humming in harmony with everything around, and everything was perfect. I had the biggest smile plastered on my face, and at that moment I couldn't understand why there was so much sadness in people when everything was so beautiful.

We re-settled in the shade, when we saw a big congregation of kids treading down the path. There were probably 100-200 of them. We felt their energy paving the way before them. We stayed a bit and observed while they filled the little canyon, gathered in small alternating loud groups like fish flocks.

A little by little they surrounded us until we barely heard ourselves. Reluctantly we started gathering our stuff, preparing to move on our path.

Sheila wanted to take a piss. We walked a bit into the desolate part of the canyon. Sheila went to a shaded area and I waited for her in the sun. I’m not sure how long I waited there, I think it was more than a couple of minutes. I heard steps and saw a figure walking out of the shadows. I felt relieved. I stood up but It wasn't Sheila. It was some girl I didn't know. I was perplexed. I stood there with my mouth open. The girl stopped in front of me. I mumbled something about Sheila and the girl told me she was in there. I asked her if she was ok, she said she was fine and then asked me if i was ok. After a while Sheila came out, she told me they were smoking a cigarette there and that's why she was lingering.

We walked back to pick up our stuff. There was some uneasiness growing in me. We moved up the canyon, and started getting away from the crowds and toward the trail. Up above we stopped for a sip of water and some pictures. I felt like Sheila was getting farther away, mentaly, not physically, by the second.  I asked her about that and she said everything was good. Also when I judged objectively I couldn't see anything different. We walked, munched non stop and admired everything around us.

The continuous walking got me into some kind of a “zone” or maybe a meditative state. The dark side I tried so hard to avoid started building up in my consciousness. Streams and streams of very disturbing thoughts sneaked, at first, and then burst inside my head. I reflected on everything that ever bothered me. It was horrible. I couldn't stop. 

I remembered the most negative things people have ever told me. They were echoing in my head. I rehearsed the most negative things I thought about myself. I lashed at myself for every move I made, for my choices and for all of my dreams . Time and time again I tried to distract myself, in vain. I felt like I had no control over anything. No free will. I was a prisoner in the worst prison there is. Nature was dull, I couldn't see anything for what it was. It made me so sad. Somewhere inside I knew i’m in a beautiful place, I just couldn’t see it.

I was surrounded by lifeless stones. I felt that in a place like this, and metaphorically, in my life, there is nowhere for love to go. I knew then, nothing ever is  gonna get me out of my own mind.

It was scary as F#$*.

The sun was setting. We kept walking. Silently, I sang to myself some songs. We discussed and tasted some desert plants. On the way up we mingled with some travelers. 

The view from the trailhead parking lot was nice at sunset. The mountains looked like a cream cheesecake with chocolate flakes. We made hot tea and watched the golden light of afternoon climb the eastern mountains as the sun goes down beyond the rim to the west.